Honeys - I'm Home.

Ahhhhhh I know my babies. I disappeared for far too long, but I have returned, and I promise you this time it's for good. I don't know how many of my followers are still here, and that's a shame because I used to love reading your comments. But the truth is, It's my fault. I know I left, and then I came back and posted 2 whole blogs and then disappeared again. But I'm back - and i promise i wont leave again. Truth is - Life kinda got in the way (more on that later - for now I'm still grovelling for forgiveness) - and No that's not an excuse. Please know, I'm sorry. And I only hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.  Please? I'll even flash you my puppy dog eyes :)

        Go on, how can you say no to that face?

Truth is, I wasn't lying when i said life got in the way. Do you remember my Mr I mentioned in my last post? Well, we pretty much were inseparable - so half the week I'd stay at his house and vice versa - which really didn't give me a great deal of computer time, let alone time to compose a blog (he didn't have a pc - i know right?) Between that and work everything just came to a grinding halt. I was stress eating from all the rubbish that went down with my mum and I had the relationship contentment weight gain. Not good at all. It's literally taking my 2 years of floundering on various calorie counting regimes etc to realise I was gaining weight, not losing it. 2 stone to be precise. Taking my weight up to to 28 st 8 and 3/4 lbs - I can tell you now that terrified me into taking actions and as of January this year im back on my ww wagon and I've lost 24 lbs to date. I'm also trying to exercise a whole heap more. But tbh, carrying this amount of excess weight around makes it virtually impossible. I'm also off sick atm with Anxiety and Depression leading to Panic Attacks which makes things just that bit tougher :( 

But regardless, I'm back and I mean business. I will post a longer blog another day. But at least I'm back.

Love and Hugs to you all. Peace Out.

PS;- My mums fine, and I live with said boyfriend now. In a village. We is posh now ;)

This is an actual photo of my Village. But not my house, that would be creepy.

Weigh in Week 1

SOOO.... it saturday, and as ive always weighed in on a saturday i opted to carry on this trend, soo i shall be weighing in on a saturday, or as close to a saturday as possible as i spend 2/3 of my week at my fellas - so, yeah, granted its gonna be a different day each week. Not the best i know, but im not taking my scales to my fellas - im trying to be very casual about my dieting with him, i dont know why - he'd support me to the end and back, but i embarrass easy :o/ anyways - my weigh in. Baring in mind, this is only since tuesday - ive lost a fabtastic 6.3lbs! yep, im pretty damn pleased with that if im honest :) specially considering i dont actually feel like im dieting. Not at all :) Its quite a good feeling tbh.

Today is saturday, annnnnddd as always saturdays are the day i dont track, im only human what can i say? Ive promised my fella a horror movie marathon, and we have looooaaaddddssss to watch :) and my bro gave me his old dvd player and surround sound system for my room soooo its gonna be bloody scary. We've got crisps, and popcorn and some choccie buttons, and take away for tea - i knooowwww its not healthy BUT this was pre planned before i got all goal orientated on tuesdaay morning, sooo *shrugs* what can a gal do?

I feel i owe ya'all a lil more info about my awesome fella, who at this minute is snoring his head off upstairs after playing Skyrim till 5am - i feel i should admit i only relented ownership of Skyrim at roughly 2am, yesss im a nerd, and im awesome, im better than an awesome im a Khajiit Assasssin! *tumble weed rolls on by.......*

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annnnnyyyyyyyyywwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy - moving swiftly on from my coolness, My lovely W. He is unemployed, hense how we met, but not through lack of trying - he cant get a job as no one will give him experience and hows he meant to get that without a job? grrr - he goes on every course the job centre offer him and hes just applied to go back to college to study creative writing, he i writing a book - which is awesome - very Dark Tower (ish) - he also got me into the Dark Tower - ive been a life long Stephen King Nerd, but then i'd never read D.T till now, and its awesome, i highly recommend it - im up to book 6, W. got me the last 3 for christmas :) He encourages my 'art' - which i use in the loosest term, and has a few of my drawings and sketches up his room - heres one of em, its the dark tower, neeerrrrdddd :)

he also encourages my baking, his entirely family adore my cookies etc, and his lil bro (6) greets me often with 'Melly Moo - you gots my cookies?' lol, and his mum compares my stuff to orgasms...slightly odd that one i grant you. lol, hes part of the reason ive gained the confidence to go to college, i intend to study Level 2 in general confectionary and pattisserie. I want my own lil bakery - cake store - a girls gotta dream! :oP

errrmmmmmm - hes a year younger than me, his birthday is 2 days before mine and hes the youngest of 7 -yeah i know, for a gal whos the youngest of 2 walking into his house was, and still is somewhat overwhelming. lol.

But yeah, thats all i can think of - sooo - im gonna go and hammer a few more hours of Skyrim (go Khajiit Assassin, GO!!! ;o) ) before i wake sleeping beauty and start the horror movie marathon. :) Dont forget to add me on My Fitness Pal; caliente115 .

peace out

x x x x x x

The Wonderer Returns....

OK ok ok - so yes, its been almost a year since i last posted a blog on here, but truth is so much happened in that one year that i dont know where to start, its certainly been one helluva roller coaster. But im gonna start blogging again, at least once a week. Im fully aware ive probably lost the vast majority (if not all) of my original 'followers', and for that im truly sorry. But, in this blog post im gonna attempt to bring you all up to speed on whats what, if not maybe grasp the interest of some new followers :) This is gonna be full of ups and down though, i warn y'all.

So lets see, i think the best bet is to get the negatives over and done with. I genuinly cant remember if i posted on here about how poorly my mum was just before i started blogging, she was very very ill. Well things started to get worse (i'll add now, im not one for building for tension on this topic - shes NOT dead, i repeat - still alive and kicking :op) she started to lose weight faster and faster, and could hardly walk she was so weak. She kept going back to the GP and kept being diagnosed with various things, from swine flu, to an infection, to MRSA. Eventually she got told to pack in her job so she did, but things didnt improve. Soooo we called the dr out for a home visit in June, and she took bloods and went on her away ( which, may i add, she shouldnt have done - mum needed a hospital - stat - both dad and i could see it so why couldnt the dr???) That night she got admitted into hospital with severe aneamia and kidney failure, and was put straight into Intensive Care, she had 6 blood transfusions that evening, and was a mass of wires and tubes, she seemed to perk up a lil but we still didnt know what was wrong. After a month she was moved on to the gastro ward, she lasted a day before being rushed back up to icu with a suspected stroke - for a week or two, couldnt speak, looked straight through us - it was fucking (apologies for language) awful. During this time the searches for what was wrong with my mum went upwards, not only Whiston Hospital, but Manchester and Liverpool were all looking for answers too. They were looking for tropical diseases and all sorts, it was so scary. Then one day she started to perk up, she was looking at us and talking. And things were better. So back down she went to the Gastro ward. Its now August, 4 days after being on that ward things went so so bad again. We all got called out of work, mum needed Chemo. We all rushed up to the hospital to find mum sitting in a room in tears and shaking, and she was so confused. She had something called Non-Hodgkins T Cell Lymphoma. A very rare,scary form of cancer. Chemo to start as soon as she was deemed strong enough. This was on the Thursday. On the saturday she came down with Pneumonia, on the Sunday we were all rushed to the hospital again, every hour was considered a bonus, she wasnt going to make it. She was unconscious, and was placed on pathway, taken off all food and drinks, and any medications that werent pain meds. That night, my dad went home to change clothes and my brother and i stayed and watched over her, she woke up at one point - looked straight at me and my brother and begged for death. That i will never forget, nor will i forget staying off work for a month as i spent every day sitting in a cold hospital room waiting for my mum to die. I cant explain how hard that was, then bingo bango - after 2 weeks, she woke up - asked for a drink, drank and ate! Even the drs were lost for words. Eventually she was moved to the cancer ward and chemo started, a while after that she was moved into respite, and she came home in mid october. Shes now eating, drinking, pottering around the house with the aid of a zimmer, and she got the ALL CLEAR on the 23rd December. No words can express how proud of my mums fighting spirit i am. x x x x x x x

So naturally throughout all this my eating went to pot, and i started smoking again - and still i am to be perfectly honest, and needed someone to lean on, and heres the nice part :) :)

In January last year we got people working in my store who were on a government placement, i took a shine to one of them straight away, just as friends to begin with - he has the same sarcasm and sense of humour as me, and we just really got on. After a few weeks i realised i liked him more than i initially thought, but i didnt let him know, just people around me who im sure are bored to death of hearing about him now, butttt this was a new form of like for me - i never thought i could feel the way i do, sorry very smooshy, long story short ive been with him now for 5.5 months, and were very much in love :)  and he was deffo, and still is my rock :)

Btw, we're out for halloween in the first 2 pics, coz were awesome, Jekyll and Hyde ;)

So here i am, Kcal counting again - i weighed myself earlier, not nearly as bad as i thought - id actually added a stone to my weight, im now 353lbs (25 st 3), but i wont be for long. So, i hope you understand my dissapearance, but ive explained myself now :)

peace out all. :) peace out :)

P,s:- im deiting using My Fitness Pal - if you'd like to add me please do, my names caliente115 on it :) cheers :) x x x oooohhhhh and look at my new hair :oP

Just a quickie

Well, as my life always seem to go, something falls in to line, and then something else veers off course and i end up losing the plot entirely.

This weeks 'something else' - SLEEP.

For those that dont know, i suffer from insomnia - and have done on and off since i was 12 (i was in a rta so i dont know if that caused it or not) i go through phases of hibernation when i go to bed and get a good solid 9-10 hours shut eye, and then i go through phases where no matter what i do i just can not get to sleep - cruelly im usually exhausted as well, but my brain wont shut the hell up and im still awake - it was that bad before christmas i actually removed the clock from my bedroom in frustration, and its yet to return. uck. This week has been pretty damn severe, getting to sleep at around 5am most mornings and surfacing again at 9. Ive been on the afternoon shift in work which SHOULD mean a lie in, but alas, the noises of the world dont stop because i didnt sleep well - and we have pretty noisy neighbours at the best if time, the dude on one side of us drills at stupid-o-clock and the old lady and her son on the other side seem to like arguing in her bedroom best of all, which shares a wall with my bedroom and they dont just argue - they ARGUE! So the theme for the week has ended up being energy drinks, which we all know are calorie loaded but after 4 hours of poor quality sleep standing for 4 hours is a git, never mind trying to stand and serve on a till and be perky for 4 hours. uck, such a joke :(

energy drinks + sugary snacks + no sleep = a mel in a shitty mood and a gain of epic proportions :(

im back to it today though, and whilst im still gonna exercise im gonna try and walk before i can run and not beat myself up for skipping a work out - which i do. One of my pals has also recommended i try dieting based on my basal metabolic rate, which is basically how many kcals id burn if i stayed in bed alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll day long and did shite all, apparently eating 500-1000 less can effect your metabolism which sucks, and so im aimed at 2,439 kcals a day now - i'll prob still eat around 2,000 but ive been averaging 1,700 so that may explain my sluggishness and general resilience to well, you know... move. lol.

http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/

peace out x

New Year. New Me.

First things first i guess, i lost 5.25 lbs last week which i was thrilled with, and it inspired me to setting myself a lil challenge for my birthday, to lose 2.5 st in what was 18 weeks, this averages out at less than 2lb a week so is very do-able. 17 weeks to go. That being said, this week got off to a stuttering start - i was good on sunday, ate right, went to work and came home and exercised, but then yesterday i didnt eat right, i didnt do exercise and i had some vino - uck -gonna get back on it today, having a subway for lunch which is always good :)

But more on the New Year, New Me resolution, since around october my hair has desperately needed cutting, but i was lazy and didnt go. For about 2 months now ive been looking around for a new hair style because mine was boring me, and every time i saw one haircut i felt jealous of the person with it and decided it was the cut for me. It was however drastic. So, after taking a good while to think about it i decided to go and get it done yesterday, and believe me - i was more nervous going there than i was when i went for my lip or my scaffold pierced - how insane is that? Before i went i took a photo, for your viewing pleasures;

Take note of the complete lack of ... well.... style. My layers had grown out, as had my fringe, plus i have thick hair which is why it is really big at the back (however, look - no roots,lol). Lets be honest, its the hair of someone who has worked constantly for the past how ever many weeks and has pretty much lived with it tied back, in a bun or in bunches (coz im cool like that ;) ). So, off i toddle to the hair dressers - alone - eeep - and im pretty sure i left the vast majority of my hair in the hair dressers, and dammit - it feeeelsss goooddd.

                              TAAAAA---DDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Its settled down a bit now, so its not as much in my eyes - you like it? I LOVES IT!!! i feels so light and just not weighed down anymore, and i think its very me, and i can rock it up with some wax and away i go :) i do however, keep brushing my neck when im brushing my hair because i forget theres no hair there anymore. lol. sqqqueeeee i loves it :)

new year. new me.

peace out peepsies x

                                 

Progress Report and Dvd Review.

Ok, so im still on track - and yes its only been 2 days but when i say on track what i should really say is ; 'dang, ive been the saintliest saint when it comes to healthy eating', actually, i can add exercise to what ive been the saintliest saint at as well, but more on that a lil later :)

So, ive been counting my calories like a good 'un, and so far have come in under 2,000 on both days, yesterday was 1,920 and the day before was 1,880. So i know its only barely, but its still coming in under 2,000 which is the main thing. Especially as seeing as we all had the flu last week we still have the vast majority of our christmas food in, like 1/2 a tin of quality street, crisps, mixed nuts in shells, peanuts, profiteroles, mince pies and 1/4 of my christmas cake i made (again, more on that a lil later). Not to the mention the booze we still have left over, so being good has taken some real will power but like i said in my previous post, 2011 is my year. So im feeling pretty damn motivated right now. I started back at work yesterday and im working all weekend, which works out nice because it means i wont lose any money in next weeks pay packet, but they are all nice short shifts (2-6's and one 1-5) which means eating around them is a cinch :) plus it means im getting broken in quite nicely after my flu-ey-ness. Of course now every other person in work (who are known for slacking - and one of thems a good friend of mine but she does pull a fast one if she can get away with it) are all off with the flu now, i think most of them coming back today so that'll be good.

Now, exercise. And i know its only day 2 of being good, but im also on day 2 of exercising as well. One of my stocking fillers for xmas was this; 

its quite an old dvd, but it is awesome!! im currently working at level one, it does say to follow it as a 7 day work out plan adding more workouts each day but that'll kill me, so im just doing the warm up, one routine and the cool down each night thus far. And my god - THE PAIN! - dont get me wrong, its fantastic, the work outs are pretty intense because they are all about maximising the time rather than working out for hours and hours, angie is a fantastic trainer - i love her, and think id like her to be my trainer, maybe she'll read this and take pity on me? if that the case - she's very pretty too. lol, and richard is, to be fair, a bit of a fitty :op but im really enjoying doing it, last night i did richards section - 'bums and tums;cardio tone' and i was sweating and my bum muscle hurt afterwards. lol. Its nice, because its old contestants of t.b.l uk and some of them still have a lil weight to lose in it so they struggle along with you, and the trainers get a sweat on - thats pretty much unheard of isnt it?? if your thinking of getting a new workout dvd dont go for one of those celebrity ones, get this baby - its only like a fiver on play.com too ;) So.... im doing this, it takes me 35 mins for the 3 sections (my real problem is i always have found cool downs immensely boring, so i have to make myself do them..ick) and then on days when im not doing this i'll be sticking my just dance,just dance 2 or m.j experience games on the wii and dancing away, and will be having 1 or 2 rest days a week. Oooh check me out, i've even dusted off my work out trainers and purchased a sports bra. No stopping me now huh? ;)

On a final note, what with all the excitement of my last blog post and so much to catch up on etc, i totally forgot about the christmas cake i made from scratch - tttaaaaa-ddddaaaaaa;

what you think of this baby? i took some in work and its gone down ridiculously well, the warehouse guy cant get enough of it and now every ones waiting for me to make my next lil project - cheesecake :) i think maybe when i told people i liked to bake no one ever really took me on, and thought it was rubbish, but now.... ah-ha... i told 'em i was good :) not just a pretty face and all that,lol,

peace out peepsies x

The Sickness Saga and The Case of the Disappearing Mel.

Ok....wowie - i havent posted in a while, and i feel i should apologise for being a fantastic magician and making myself disappear. But i shall explain what happened. Christmas and winter and sickness bloody happened. The week after i posted my last blog, waaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy back before christmas, i got tonsillitis - now then, fun fact about mel no# 761; when i was about 8 i got a rare form of jnr shingles - and that basically wrecked my immune system for the rest of my life, no joke. Fun fact about mel no# 762; if i can walk, i dont take time off. As a rule i dont call in sick, which means not only do i get annoyed when someone does call in sick with something ive worked with, it also means i just dont get better. Case and Point, following that week i had tonsillitis up until christmas week when i finally managed to shake it off, working 9.5 hour shifts with literally zero voice really takes its toll on you, and eating healthily was the last thing on my mind. It was more a case of ear what i can get, and can eat quickly but will also keep me full for the next few hours. Similarly, working till 9 at night messes with your eating habits in ways you'd never thing imaginable - thankfully christmas is once a year, so come christmas eve i was happy :) i went home, i enjoyed christmas, i was happy :) .......... and then....

boxing day i started with a cough.
christmas monday the cough got worse whilst i was in work.
tuesday i woke up with the cough from hell, and aching limbs and joints and lead body, i could have cried, and spent most of my never ending 4 hour shift in work trying not to cry.
wednesday i called in sick. I CALLED IN SICK!! That NEVER happens, last time i was off was MAY! But heres the kicker, and why i called in sick - my temperature went nuclear. I was dripping with sweat yet was shivering, i could hardly breath, and i couldnt stand never mind walk. Ladies and gentlemen - i had the flu. Now, this episode of flu opened my eyes to something - ive never had the full blown flu until last week, getting out of bed and going to the loo then back to bed for a 10 minute sit down before progressing downstairs is not fun (my room gets very cold during the day so i werent gonna stay up there!) I also didnt eat for a few days, now come on - i didnt get to the weight i am by not eating. thats not me?? This is my 7th day off work, and im going back tomorrow - my boss has let me take mon and tue as days off so i dont lose anymore for this week so thats good :) even now i still have a cough, a sore throat and am sleeping sat up to prevent coughing fits. And i still feel pretty weak, bad times my dear readers, bad times indeed.

One thing about this illness that has actually pissed me off is this; I missed new year entirely.
Oh and another thing; i got michael jackson experience game for my wii for xmas and i have played it once, because i just dont feel well enough :( dammit i wanna dance! from what i saw it is awesome, and thriller is still as epic as i remember :) i also got the biggest loser uk workout dvd which i havent touched either for the same reason, but biggest loser uk starts on monday (9pm, itv) so watching that is really gonna spare me to get off my arse and do something. I love the biggest loser :)

Oooh and i got some more charms for my bracelet so ive taken a few snaps to share with ya'll...

The skulls my fave-est ever ever! What can i say? you cant take the rocker out of the rock and roll nerd ;) Nor, happily, can you take the nerd out of her either. Which takes me to my, sad to admit, fave gift of the year. It was from my fantabulous big brother, who drives a white van for a living so gets to mooch around the country, this gift is sold out everywhere, and he found it in a toys r us in  blackburn. what is it?

lmao!! its a squishy-squshy-squashy stress Adipose from Dr Who. Adipose are basically 'fat creatures' from an episode of Dr Who. Basically, a new diet pill was created, and when you took it these lil adorable fat creatures, kinda..well.. fell out of you :) - taken from wikipedia;

[edit] Adipose

Doctor Who alien
Adipose
Type	Living Fat
Affiliated with	Matron Cofelia
Home planet	Born on Earth but are sent home to Adipose 3
First appearance	"Partners in Crime"

The Adipose are aliens composed of living fat, featured in the episode "Partners in Crime". Their breeding world was lost, causing them to turn to "Miss Foster", or Matron Cofelia of the Five Straighten Classabindi Nursery Fleet, Intergalactic Class, to create a new generation. She formulated a drug that would cause human fat (adipose tissue) to morph by parthenogenesis into Adipose children. The process is generally harmless to the host beyond the loss of body fat; in emergencies the process can be accelerated, converting the host's entire body, which is fatal to the host and produces ill and weak Adipose children.^[1] The official Doctor Who website's Monster Files feature states that the baby Adipose were taken into care by the Shadow Proclamation.^[2]

Lets be honest, they're awesome and amazing and cute and im a nerd. Which i can further demonstrate by use of my new fave t-shirt,like ya know, EVER!

I bought that one myself and it arrived today, unfortunately the picture quality leaves a lot to be desired as the shirt is actually very bright green. But, mih, its still pretty damn awesome. :) Oh and before i forget, i bought my mum the Glee boxset for christmas and she's been watching while ive been off, and i never thought i'd say this, and honestly - i almost feel a bit dirty saying this - dammit, im a Gleek!! ;)

Anyway, enough nof my nerdiness - shall we discuss weight?? eeep. So, i stepped on the scales the other and was fully expecting no coach parties to flash up on the led screen, or possibly a cry of pain. In fact, neither of those things happened, what did happen was the following - DRRRRUUUMMM ROLL PLEASE...

7LBS. Yes i gained, and ate utter shite for a fair few weeks, but the long days in work must have helped burn off and ive only gained 7lbs. Yes its a gain, but its 7lbs. I can easily gain a stone and half without batting an eye lad. But, im feeling so good :) so motivated :) 2011 is the year of mel. My new years resolutions this year are simple. Look after Mel. Be it diet, taking time of when i need it, exercise or slapping a face mask on once a week. Ive decided i need to look after number 1 this year. :) :) :) :)

peace out peoples x x

N:B;- please excuse me, im still getting over the flu and im in desperate need of 10 cc's of hair dye. STAT!