Never Underestimate the amount of Empowerment You'll get from setting a Goal.

And by 'Goal', what I mean is a goal that you can achieve. And by that I mean a goal you can achieve on your own, and that you have control over.

See? The major trouble of weight loss is that, whilst I have control over what goes in my mouth and thus (in theory) the results on the scale, In reality I don't. Which is to say, I can eat crappy and still lose weight, or as things seem to be going of recent, I can eat well and still gain. I am currently on a cocktail of anti depressions, anti anxiety and anti insomnia medication - 2 of these pills state weight gain under the side effects section. Cracking. So I've set myself a goal. A none weight loss goal. A getting healthy and active goal. And you'll never guess what it is!

I want to Run. I.Just. Want. To. Run.

I don't even know why as such, but there's something so simple and pure about listening to music and putting one foot in front of the other and going for a run. I even mentioned it to my doctor when I went for my depression/anxiety/insomnia/general insanity check up on Thursday. I love my Dr to pieces. She is just so lovely and supportive about everything and agrees that, despite my size, it's not an impossibility. She's even wrote it down on my medical records, under obesity, 'wants to run'.

So then the question was how far. God knows the thought of shifting this body of mine anywhere seems like an impossibility at the moment. But I'm determined. I explained to her that at the moment, I'm running on the spot in the safety of my own home and as she said every little helps. We talked and talked, and I've decided that a 5k isn't completely beyond the reach of realistic expectations. I just went away from this page and googled it. 5k is just 3 miles 188.07 yards. I can walk that without issues. So why can't I run it? Given time and preparations? Exactly! There is absolutely no reason why I can't.

So my goal at the moment is to run a 5k. Run. I get cold sweats just thinking about it. I've downloaded an app on my phone (in truth I've had it since last year, I just never really progressed further than the first few sessions) It's called Zombie 5k and it's purpose is to train you up from sitting on your tushies watching television to running a 5k over a period of (I think) 6 weeks. So that's the plan. Starting in the next few weeks, to do that. I just have to be careful - I tend to get over ambitious and try to run before I can walk (Ba Dum Bum Che)

After I've completed my 5k enough times that I don't need a defibrillator unit waiting for me at the end / actually see the white light at the end of the tunnel I would absolutely love to participate in this; http://www.thecolorrun.co.uk/manchester I stole this from the website;

"The Color Run™, also known as the Happiest 5k on the Planet, is a unique color race that celebrates healthiness, happiness, individuality, and giving back to the community. Less about your 10-minute-mile and more about having the time of your life, The Color Run is a five-kilometre, un-timed race in which thousands of participants are doused from head to toe in different colors at each kilometre. The fun continues at the finish line with a gigantic “Color Festival,” using more colored powder to create happiness and lasting memories, not to mention millions of vivid color combinations. Trust us, this is the best post-5k party on the planet! With only two rules, the idea is easy to follow:

1. Wear white at the starting line
2. Finish plastered in color

Now the single largest event series on the planet, The Color Run is exploding since our debut event in January of 2012 and will grow from over 50 events and 600,000 participants in 2012, to over 100 events and over a million participants in 2013.

Be Healthy. Be Happy. Be You."

I mean PLEASE. How effing fun does that sound??

Truthfully If I had a made this Goal earlier I would have already registered for this years event, So instead my goal is to Run it next year. Yes run it. I did the Race for Life a few years back, but I walked it. I want to be able to run this one! It's definitely on my Bucket List that's for sure.:) :) :)

So this morning when I woke up and it was a lovely lovely day. 

And, after a fair bit of moping around and eating enough that even Pac-Man would be proud of me (Thank you very much totm ) I thought enough was enough, and I decided to go for a walk to the outdoor gym close to my home. It was installed a few week back but apparently the children (and parents for that matter) aren't the brightest around my neck of the woods as they seem to think It's a park, and enjoy using the Cross Trainer as a swing, so I haven't had a chance to use it yet.

Oh yes, doen't that look super fun to play on?!? (sarcasm). 

Another reason I haven't used it yet is because I am so paranoid about people staring/laughing at me. Explaining this to my dear W is somewhat like explaining quantum mechanics to a toddler, whether that's because he has a very strong 'Fuck Em' attitude when it comes to people he doesn't know judging him or because he's a skinny minny I don't think I'll ever know. 

Anyway, nice weather and all, I thought I'd wonder up here and have a dabble (hoping there would be no kids near by - there wasn't) and it was good and all but even better is what happened en route there. And on the way back. I shit you not.

I.

Ran.

Now Now don' get too excited I didn't run there and back, or even all the way there. But I ran a bit. And I ran further than I did last time. Granted it was a very stop and start affair, but this time last year I smoked a lot and that was also the last time I ran and I could run probably double what I could run this time last year. Still not far, but Baby Steps are Baby Steps :)

I have no words for how happy I was. I still have a long way to go, but I have started the journey and that is what counts to me. I grant you, there was a moment of panic before I actually started to run in the sense that I genuinely forgot how to run. How does that even happen? How does someone forget how to put one foot in front of the other in a repetitive fashion so that they are moving? Either way I did. And it;s fare to say that I would have been killed by the pouncing lion / serial killer / hoard of zombies before I'd even remembered how to do the walk, skip, jog movement I seem to do every time I start jogging.

So ummm, yeah that's me. I know this a long post but I think I was really excited about my achievement / setting of a goal. lol.

Oh Oh Oh - before I go. This is what I was thinking about as I ran, I urge to read it. Maybe all of us bigger people out there should read it and not be so ashamed about taking the first step. Every journey has to start somewhere doesnt it?

http://www.closeronline.co.uk/2014/03/to-the-fatty-running-on-the-track-this-afternoon-facebook-user-pens-surprising-message-to-overweight-runner

Peace out peeps x x x x 

N;B; I have no idea why this post has changed colour half way through, but it won't let me change it back without rewriting the entire thing, so yeah... sorry and all but I just don't have the energy for that. Sorry. :)