Round is NOT a shape.

So yeah, I'm back again - truth is, I've packed my lovely W off into the bath so I can blog a little more - Just to tell you more about where I am and what I'm doing. Today I went on a wee walk with W and had a bit of heart to  heart with him, the trouble is, he's a skinny minny and so struggles to understand where I'm coming from.But I explained to him how desperate I am to get back on track and lose weight and that I need a wee push. Will Power has always been my downfall - more specifically, will power when it comes down to working out. I am an out and out food addict, and comfort eater to boot - but even that is a piece of cake (excuse the pun) when its compared to exercise. Thing with me is i actually love the feeling of achy muscles post-work out (don't ask) but it's the actual getting there that I full on loathe.  We recently got broadband at the flat, and so I'm catching up on things ive missed, namely biggest loser. And I swear I would give absolutely anything to have this sexy lady kick my ass.

                                                             

I mean, just look at her!!! She's not only stunning but I adore her attitude, yes I have a full on girl crush in Ms M... I digress, anyway W supports me as much as I can but at the same time he just doesn't understand when I can't do certain things - Like run. Last year we downloaded the ZombieRun 5k app, and I just couldn't keep up. I think one of the major reasons why I want to lose weight is for me, but also for him - there's so many things I'd like to do together but I can't because I'm either genuinely too overweight to participate or Im too self conscious to do so. So we've come up with a new plan. Today I spent ages writing down a challenge list to put on my fridge. The concept is simple yet amazing. I have 20 challenges a week to complete, and I have to do at least 50% a week of them. They range from exercise based (for example, 200 sit ups in a week, 100 squats, walk a total of 6 miles recreational walking - going somewhere I need to go is not classed) as well as food based (making sure I drink 2 litres of water a day). I'm gonna go out tomorrow and buy some stickers and add a sticker each time I achieve a goal. The challenge lasts 4 weeks and then I have to think of new goals,  the plan being them getting tougher and tougher as time goes on. One of them is exercise outside once a week. Which is gonna be tough as ive been suffering from panic attacks on an almost daily basis for the past year and a bit. But dammit am I determined? If you decide to join in that'd be awesome. Drop me a comment below and let me know. Today I have walked 3.27 miles, and done 50 sit ups, 30 wall push ups and 40 squats. And they kicked my arse! I cant wait to get back into some kinda shape again - Round is NOT a shape!!

Anyway, last week sucked regarding panic attacks. I really feel like I've been recovering from the flu for the past few days. But as the sun was shining I forced myself out for a walk so i didn't start suffering from cabin fever as well as panic attacks, it was a lovely 3.27 mile walk. I count myself very lucky that my little tiny flat is where it is. The thing is, it's close enough that's it's not in the back arse end of no where, literally 1 mile away from town. But also you can walk about a mile in the opposite direction and be walking down a lovely canal, or as today, go a mile in the other direction and be met with lots of lovely open country side.

I lived here last summer but tbh back then I was in a pretty heavy fog of depression, I'm still not fit for anything, but im hoping that by forcing myself out for walks etc etc I'll help myself along. I should add, I promise to not chat on and on about being depressed / having anxiety as I know from experience (mine) how dull it gets after a little while. 

I think that'll be about it for today. I promise to blog again this week. I really missed it :) I think I'm off to have my celery with red pepper houmous and soured cream and chive dip. All pointed.... is it sad I'm really looking forward to it? :) Om nom.

And just so you know, im still a blog selfie addict. :oP

That is a baaaaaddd photo. lol

Please feel free to follow me on twitter, and if you do say 'Hey' - Be nice to chat to someone else, not just me - as let's be honest that's what posting a blog is. :) It's @meltezzz - Be warned, I tweet like ALOT and normally it's photo of my meals. Or my Eyes.

peace out people x x

Ohhhhh no wait. I forgot. I have this stuck to my fridge now (I really have been a busy busy bee today with the old colouring pencils haven't i? lol ) I hope it inspires you, it inspired me when I read it earlier.