Monday, 7 July 2014



I have a new sparkly, spangled beautiful and, most importantly, fully functioning monitor. Before my new one came I snapped a few piccies to put on here as a way of explaining why I havent posted much. Here they are; 

 This photo here ^ was taken with the flash on. It's on, it's just that the monitor decided to turn the brightness down to 0 and refused to turn back up again.

 This would randomly flash constantly on and off, the little red square moving freely to change settings as and when it pleased, from changing to brightness settings, to screen postion - so the screen moved in and out all the time, kinda hard to explain - I also had the great pleasure of seeing this box in Chinese and Spanish on regular occurrences.

This is the screen with the flash off. Brightness turned down to 0 and that stupid fucking blue box flashing constantly. In hindsight I wish i'd also taken a photo when the brightness was set to 0 and the contrasy said to 100 with no hope of changing it back. It made for some impossible computer tasks and some epic headaches.

But it's all good - Now I have a new one, which is marginally smaller but also works, so swings and round about really isnt it? :) It also meant that I finally got to do what i've been saying i'd do to my old monitor as soon as I got a new one. For months i've been saying it, and I finally got a chance to do it. I took a hammer to the Rat Bastard. And it felt goooooodddd!!

Some may say I have anger issues, but I say it was asking for it, and what's more? I made my new Monitor watch as a form of warning :)

Now i've explained myself about that I can actually start my blog post.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about something I saw on facebook the other week. Long story short a girl I used to go to to school with is on there (though why i'm not entirely sure as I never actually liked the girl when I was 16, now I know about who I am and I really can't stand her) is currently on Slim Fast and has lost 11lb taking her to 8 stone 10lb, and she put a before and after picture up the other day and accompanied it with a status saying " It's Embarrassing to say I was Once a fattie, but hey ho - at least i'm not now" . At the time I just carried on scrolling but it's kept popping back into my head over the past few days and the more I think about it the more angry I get about it. She was embarrassed to be under 10 stone, and I have to lose more than 2 of what she weighs now and i'll still be heavier than she is now. But dont get me wrong, im not sitting here having a one person pity party about how much I need to lose, I'm angry that she was embarrassed to have curves, and she has a daughter. So all i'm thinking is that kid is going to grow up thinking if your over 10 stone your instantly a fattie. It's pathetic. What is there to be embarrassed about? For a start she carried a child in that belly, I don't know. It just kinda sticks in my throat, right down to describing herself as a fattie. In all fairness this is the same girl who put a status up a while back saying when she see's a fat person eating fatty junk food she want't to go over and slap it out of their hands, all whilst deeming it perfectly acceptable to feed a toddler that very same McDonalds. What the hell is wrong people? I'm a fattie and I know it. And I also know that even during my best diet weeks I treat myself to the occasional bar of chocolate or bag of chips because honestly, sometimes you need it.I account for it, I work around it, but I eat it and I bloody well enjoy it whilst I am. Possibly because I plan it out and work around it so it tastes even better. Hell, even on my dodgy weeks I probably eat better than some people half my size, because at the end of the day I know that I can't just eat an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's and not pay for it . Being inside my head some times it's like I have split personality disorder where one side of me is constantly jumping up and down and shouting EAT IT! EAT IT! EAT IT! and the other part of mine is to quiet the childish side down with an apple. Truth is, unless you've ever had a weight issue you won't know just how tempting some foods can be. In a similar respect I read on someones blog recently, I linked her in my last blog post and I'm going to link her again now..., that she doesn't think a dietician that has never lost weight can help you much. And i'm inclined to agree. If you've never experienced the thought processes that go behind gaining weight you are really in no place to lecture me on how to lose weight. You have no idea what inner turmoil goes through my mind when I'm standing in the chocolate aisle in Tesco. All the qualifications in the world mean nothing if you don't have first hand experience. It's like someone saying they can fly a plane because they've read a book or two about it. Which is possibly why, when I saw a dietician at the age of 20, I had no respect for her as she didn't understand. This past year and a bit has been particularly bad for me diet wise, specifically due to my depression and anxiety that I'm currently going through. I am on medication that makes you gain weight (Mirtazapine) which doesn't help. And Comfort food has always been my crutch so when I'm feeling down and low nothing makes me feel happier than climbing into bed, hiding under my quilt with either a good book or a good film (anything to practise escapism really) and a mound of crisps, chocolate and sweets. To this day that's possibly the thing I struggle with the most. Not just pigging out because i've had a good day. Food makes me feel good, and it's just a case of relearning (I lost about 5 stone in my early 20's, then found it, and more again) which foods give me that feel good comfort food feeling whilst still remaining healthy for me. That being said, tonight I tried out a new recipe using these ingredients;

Now I'm not gonna lie to you, Diet Coke Chicken was something I was extremely unsure of trying. And even when I started making it, mixing Diet Coke with Passata some Lea n Perrins sauce and some salt just seemed so incredibly wrong to me. Even the pouring action felt wrong, and I nearly balled at the stage. But I persevered with it and I have to say it was absolutely lovely.

I had it in 2 multiseeded wraps, with 30g grated cheese on top and it was truly lovely, and tasted so naughty and comforting, it made my tummy smile. And it was really worth the 20pp it all came to (including oven baked onion rings)

So. There you have it. That all got a little serious in the middle didn't it? Sorry for that. Hope to see you again soon - as always

Peace Out x

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